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I find my greatest pleasure, and so my reward, in the work that preceds what...

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I find my greatest pleasure, and so my reward, in the work that preceds what...

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration

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Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration

Genius is one percent inspiration, two percent perspiration, and ninety seven percent Tesla

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Genius is one percent inspiration, two percent perspiration, and ninety seven percent Tesla

I can always make you smile

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I can always make you smile

Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results

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Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results

Ahh, a little cancer never hurt anybody. Everybody needs a little cancer I think. It's...

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Ahh, a little cancer never hurt anybody. Everybody needs a little cancer I think. It's...

I made me laugh

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I made me laugh

Age is something that doesn't matter unless you're a cheese.

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Age is something that doesn't matter unless you're a cheese.

To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove...

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To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove...

I swear it wasn't me.. unless it was a good thing then I did it...

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I swear it wasn't me.. unless it was a good thing then I did it...

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

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Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

I rise at six and then I feed the chicks , And I'm feeling lonesome...

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I rise at six and then I feed the chicks , And I'm feeling lonesome...

A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted

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A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted

Would you like some aloe vera? You just got burned!

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Would you like some aloe vera? You just got burned!

It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best,...

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It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best,...

I'm great in bed I can sleep for days.

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I'm great in bed I can sleep for days.

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in...

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I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in...

Violent Criminals. You take the entire state of Kansas , give them a couple of...

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Violent Criminals. You take the entire state of Kansas , give them a couple of...

The meal is not over when I'm full. The meal is over when I hate...

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The meal is not over when I'm full. The meal is over when I hate...

The world is a stage but the play is badly cast

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The world is a stage but the play is badly cast

Everybody is a genius but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb...

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Everybody is a genius but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb...