Borrow your wife's pink slippers just to go check the mail and everybody in the whole damn community will stop by to chat. True story. FML.

Quote by Donny Norris

Topics: Funny Quotes, Witty Quotes

Most of the time when people laugh at me...I'm not trying to be funny.

Most of the time when people laugh at me...I'm not trying to be funny.

A widow of doubtful age will marry almost any sort of a white man.

A widow of doubtful age will marry almost any sort of a white man.

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold...

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold...

Talk is by far the most accessible of pleasures. It costs nothing in money, it...

Talk is by far the most accessible of pleasures. It costs nothing in money, it...

What people call insincerity is simply a method by which we can multiply our personalities.

What people call insincerity is simply a method by which we can multiply our personalities.

The good writing of any age has always been the product of someone's neurosis.

The good writing of any age has always been the product of someone's neurosis.

In youth we run into difficulties. In old age difficulties run into us.

In youth we run into difficulties. In old age difficulties run into us.

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.

Every time you see a beautiful woman, just remember, somebody got tired of her

Every time you see a beautiful woman, just remember, somebody got tired of her

The perceptions of middle age have their own luminosity.

The perceptions of middle age have their own luminosity.

On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I'm blocking,...

On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I'm blocking,...

Trying to sneak a fastball past Hank Aaron is like trying to sneak the sunrise...

Trying to sneak a fastball past Hank Aaron is like trying to sneak the sunrise...

Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up and they're always...

Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up and they're always...

By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.

By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.

I don't need a man to rectify my existence. The most profound relationship we'll ever...

I don't need a man to rectify my existence. The most profound relationship we'll ever...

Love reckons hours for months, and days for years; And every little absence is an...

Love reckons hours for months, and days for years; And every little absence is an...

I don't care how many warnings I get, I am still going to eat raw...

I don't care how many warnings I get, I am still going to eat raw...

An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer...

An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer...

Whatever it is....my sister did it!

Whatever it is....my sister did it!

One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.

One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.