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My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is...

My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is...

The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked...

The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked...

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they...

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they...

The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little...

The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little...

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in...

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in...

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip...

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip...

If men have a smell it's usually an accident.

If men have a smell it's usually an accident.

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any...

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any...

What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.

What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed...

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed...

Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls...

Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls...

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just...

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just...

Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't...

Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't...

The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you...

The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you...

People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not...

People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not...

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to...

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to...

It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.

It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.

I really don't require a whole lot in life.

I really don't require a whole lot in life.

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.