My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

Quote by Billy Connolly

Topics: Billy Connolly Quotes

I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of...

I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of...

I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful....

I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful....

I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a...

I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a...

Oh aye...my Father would thrash me every now and then. He'd talk while he did...

Oh aye...my Father would thrash me every now and then. He'd talk while he did...

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.

I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.

The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on...

The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on...

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares?...

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares?...

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get...

I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get...

The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America...

The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America...

Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply...

Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply...

The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly...

The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly...

I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.

I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.

Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.

Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.

I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's...

I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's...

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

Marriage is a series of desperate arguments people feel passionately about.

Marriage is a series of desperate arguments people feel passionately about.

What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are,...

What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are,...

In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy.

In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy.