Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people he cops. But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!

Quote by Dave Attell

Topics: Dave Attell Quotes

You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're...

You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're...

Doesn't matter what you say or do; people can always find a way to call...

Doesn't matter what you say or do; people can always find a way to call...

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You...

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You...

I was on a date with this really hot model. Well, it wasn't really a...

I was on a date with this really hot model. Well, it wasn't really a...

I don't understand the whole dating thing. I know right off the bat if I'm...

I don't understand the whole dating thing. I know right off the bat if I'm...

I love being a single mom. But it's definitely different when you're dating.

I love being a single mom. But it's definitely different when you're dating.

Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up and they're always...

Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up and they're always...

I got along better with the guys than with the girls. Only two girls came...

I got along better with the guys than with the girls. Only two girls came...

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.

Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up and they're always...

Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up and they're always...

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Dating a girl with a guy best friend is never easy.

Dating a girl with a guy best friend is never easy.

There's time for a boyfriend in my life. But he would have to be understanding....

There's time for a boyfriend in my life. But he would have to be understanding....

I think more dating stuff is scheduling. It's needing people who understand your work schedule.

I think more dating stuff is scheduling. It's needing people who understand your work schedule.

Every time you date someone with an issue that you have to work to ignore,...

Every time you date someone with an issue that you have to work to ignore,...

When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He...

When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He...

It takes half the amount of time you dated someone to get over them.

It takes half the amount of time you dated someone to get over them.

It is the woman who chooses the man who will choose her.

It is the woman who chooses the man who will choose her.

Oh, you're dating my ex...I thought the five second rule was for food only...

Oh, you're dating my ex...I thought the five second rule was for food only...

I'd give my middle nut to start dating Becca. -Evan

I'd give my middle nut to start dating Becca. -Evan

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for...

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for...