Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people he cops. But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!

Quote by Dave Attell

Topics: Dave Attell Quotes

You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're...

You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're...

Doesn't matter what you say or do; people can always find a way to call...

Doesn't matter what you say or do; people can always find a way to call...

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You...

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You...

I was on a date with this really hot model. Well, it wasn't really a...

I was on a date with this really hot model. Well, it wasn't really a...

Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.

Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.

I love being a single mom. But it's definitely different when you're dating.

I love being a single mom. But it's definitely different when you're dating.

One woman I was dating called and said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I...

One woman I was dating called and said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I...

Boyfriends have to understand me and my needs. They have to know what I want...

Boyfriends have to understand me and my needs. They have to know what I want...

Makeup and high heels are a plus, but a great smile and personality should be...

Makeup and high heels are a plus, but a great smile and personality should be...

I was dating a guy for a while because he told me he had an...

I was dating a guy for a while because he told me he had an...

That awkward moment when you're trying to get over someone you were never dating.

That awkward moment when you're trying to get over someone you were never dating.

I'd give my middle nut to start dating Becca. -Evan

I'd give my middle nut to start dating Becca. -Evan

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never...

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never...

What is a date really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only...

What is a date really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only...

Always remember this: A kiss will never miss, and after many kisses a miss becomes...

Always remember this: A kiss will never miss, and after many kisses a miss becomes...

I had a lot of dates but I decided to stay home and dye my...

I had a lot of dates but I decided to stay home and dye my...

Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up and they're always...

Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up and they're always...

Odds on meeting a single man: 1 in 23; a cute, single man: 1 in...

Odds on meeting a single man: 1 in 23; a cute, single man: 1 in...

Oh, you're dating my ex...I thought the five second rule was for food only...

Oh, you're dating my ex...I thought the five second rule was for food only...

I once dated a girl on the track team. It didn't work out. She kept...

I once dated a girl on the track team. It didn't work out. She kept...

All vendor demos are boring. It's the law, I think.

All vendor demos are boring. It's the law, I think.