Someone introduce me to whoever invented Mornings. I will beat the shit out of them.

Topics: Funny Quotes, Good Morning Quotes

Rashness belongs to youth; prudence to old age.

Rashness belongs to youth; prudence to old age.

The answer to old age is to keep one's mind busy and to go on...

The answer to old age is to keep one's mind busy and to go on...

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a...

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a...

There's an old saying - There's No Place Like Home. Well, I went in the...

There's an old saying - There's No Place Like Home. Well, I went in the...

I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?'...

I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?'...

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

Marriage--a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters...

Marriage--a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters...

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember...

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember...

I wrote the word debauchery, but when I re-read it, I thought I had written...

I wrote the word debauchery, but when I re-read it, I thought I had written...

Old age is a shipwreck.

Old age is a shipwreck.

Even from a very early age, I knew I didn't want to miss out on...

Even from a very early age, I knew I didn't want to miss out on...

Ability is of little account without opportunity.

Ability is of little account without opportunity.

Win hearts, and you have hands and purses.

Win hearts, and you have hands and purses.

There has never been an age that did not applaud the past and lament the...

There has never been an age that did not applaud the past and lament the...

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.

The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.

I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone...

I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone...

In every country and every age, the priest had been hostile to Liberty.

In every country and every age, the priest had been hostile to Liberty.

When late morning rolls around and you're feeling a bit out of sorts, don't worry;...

When late morning rolls around and you're feeling a bit out of sorts, don't worry;...

When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to...

When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to...