Someone introduce me to whoever invented Mornings. I will beat the shit out of them.

Topics: Funny Quotes, Good Morning Quotes

I think serial monogamy says it all.

I think serial monogamy says it all.

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

That awkward moment when you name your child 'Christian' only for him to grow up...

That awkward moment when you name your child 'Christian' only for him to grow up...

Mosquitoes remind us that we are not as high up on the food chain as...

Mosquitoes remind us that we are not as high up on the food chain as...

I always start writing with a clean piece of paper and a dirty mind.

I always start writing with a clean piece of paper and a dirty mind.

Age considers; youth ventures.

Age considers; youth ventures.

It is great to be a blonde. With low expectations it's very easy to surprise...

It is great to be a blonde. With low expectations it's very easy to surprise...

I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.

I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.

The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when...

The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when...

I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of...

I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of...

No One Diets on Thanksgiving. What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set...

No One Diets on Thanksgiving. What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set...

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?

Be in the habit of getting up bright and early on the weekends. Why waste...

Be in the habit of getting up bright and early on the weekends. Why waste...

The veracity which increases with old age is not far from folly.

The veracity which increases with old age is not far from folly.

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.

Never swap horses crossing a stream

Never swap horses crossing a stream

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard...

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard...

The child thinks of growing old as an almost obscene calamity, which for some mysterious...

The child thinks of growing old as an almost obscene calamity, which for some mysterious...

Lord I know I'm not here to stay, but thanks for waking me up today....

Lord I know I'm not here to stay, but thanks for waking me up today....

Good morning! Remember you only get 1 mom, 1 dad, 1 God and 1 life...cherish...

Good morning! Remember you only get 1 mom, 1 dad, 1 God and 1 life...cherish...