Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code...he turned himself in.

Quote by Daniel Tosh

Topics: Daniel Tosh Quotes

I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!

I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb......

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb......

If the minimum wasn't acceptable it wouldn't be called the minimum.

If the minimum wasn't acceptable it wouldn't be called the minimum.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to...

Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to...

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.

Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases...

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases...

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO...

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO...

No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all.

No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all.

If you had to eat another human to survive, do you think they'd taste like...

If you had to eat another human to survive, do you think they'd taste like...

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I...

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I...

My father wanted me to have all the educational opportunities he never had... so he...

My father wanted me to have all the educational opportunities he never had... so he...

Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.

Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.

I'm all for women who get plastic surgery. Because plastic surgery allows you to make...

I'm all for women who get plastic surgery. Because plastic surgery allows you to make...

Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer,...

Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer,...

If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.

If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.

Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full, I...

Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full, I...

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home...

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home...

There is nothing so annoying as having two people talking when you're busy interrupting.

There is nothing so annoying as having two people talking when you're busy interrupting.