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I made a killing in the stock market. My broker lost all my money, so...

I made a killing in the stock market. My broker lost all my money, so...

Half the people in Hollywood are dying to be discovered and the other half are...

Half the people in Hollywood are dying to be discovered and the other half are...

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly...

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly...

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude...

We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude...

There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught...

There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught...

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

Youth is like a long weekend on Friday night. Middle age is like a long...

Youth is like a long weekend on Friday night. Middle age is like a long...

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of...

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of...

Women are like elephants to me: nice to look at, but I wouldn't want to...

Women are like elephants to me: nice to look at, but I wouldn't want to...

Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale her infinite variety. Other women cloy the appetites...

Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale her infinite variety. Other women cloy the appetites...

Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts.

Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts.

Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to...

Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to...

How little you know about the age you live in if you think that honey...

How little you know about the age you live in if you think that honey...

I remember being handed a score composed by Mozart at the age of eleven. What...

I remember being handed a score composed by Mozart at the age of eleven. What...

Now the peak of summer's past, the sky is overcast And the love we swore...

Now the peak of summer's past, the sky is overcast And the love we swore...

In Beverly Hills...they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills...they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

Got no checkbooks, got no banks. Still Id like to express my thanks.

Got no checkbooks, got no banks. Still Id like to express my thanks.

If you work in a hospital, you cant easily fake call in sick to work....

If you work in a hospital, you cant easily fake call in sick to work....

I thought coq au vin was love in a lorry.

I thought coq au vin was love in a lorry.