I have a theory of relatives, too. Don't hire 'em.

Quote by Jack L Warner

Topics: Funny Quotes, Relatives Quotes

Some ticket buyers think they don't like Jews.

Some ticket buyers think they don't like Jews.

I've got America's best writer for $300 a week.

I've got America's best writer for $300 a week.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way...

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way...

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying.

Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying.

The primacy of the word, basis of the human psyche, that has in our age...

The primacy of the word, basis of the human psyche, that has in our age...

I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over...

I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over...

The trouble with young writers is that they are all in their sixties.

The trouble with young writers is that they are all in their sixties.

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving...

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving...

Youth is full of sport, age's breath is short; youth is nimble, age is lame;...

Youth is full of sport, age's breath is short; youth is nimble, age is lame;...

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill...

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill...

Nothing makes me want a relationship to fail more than matching profile pictures.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried...

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried...

How do you know when your girlfriend is putting on too much weight? She starts...

How do you know when your girlfriend is putting on too much weight? She starts...

I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again.

I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again.

What I have to say is far more important than how long my eyelashes are.

What I have to say is far more important than how long my eyelashes are.

These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and...

These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and...

Why join the navy if you can be a pirate?

Why join the navy if you can be a pirate?

Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious.

Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious.

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out...

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out...

To kill a relative of whom you are tired is something. But to inherit his...

To kill a relative of whom you are tired is something. But to inherit his...