Husbands should be like Kleenex: soft, strong, and disposable.

Quote by Madeleine Kahn

Topics: Funny Quotes, Movies Quotes

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

The golden age is before us, not behind us.

The golden age is before us, not behind us.

Golf: A game in which you claim the privileges of age and retain the playthings...

Golf: A game in which you claim the privileges of age and retain the playthings...

The right honourable gentleman is reminiscent of a poker. The only difference is that a...

The right honourable gentleman is reminiscent of a poker. The only difference is that a...

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Middle age is when you still believe you'll feel better in the morning.

Middle age is when you still believe you'll feel better in the morning.

Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo.

Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo.

Please, dear God, don't let me fuck up.

Please, dear God, don't let me fuck up.

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only...

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only...

Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs.

Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

The question Who ought to be boss is like as Who ought to be the...

The question Who ought to be boss is like as Who ought to be the...

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of...

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of...

I want to be happy and sad at the same time. Yeah, I know it...

I want to be happy and sad at the same time. Yeah, I know it...

I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the...

I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the...

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac who stays up all night wondering if...

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac who stays up all night wondering if...

Starbucks really isn't that expensive...after you consider what Victoria Secret charges per cup.

Starbucks really isn't that expensive...after you consider what Victoria Secret charges per cup.

Women only have trouble parking because we are constantly lied to about what 8 inches...

Women only have trouble parking because we are constantly lied to about what 8 inches...

I had no desire to be an film actress, to always play somebody else, to...

I had no desire to be an film actress, to always play somebody else, to...

It took only 50 years for movies to go from silent to unspeakable.

It took only 50 years for movies to go from silent to unspeakable.