Females : they hate it when you ask their age, but they'll kill you if you forget their birthday.

Quote by Jason Fundora

Topics: Funny Quotes, Witty Quotes

I call our bathroom 'The Vault' because the door's always locked and whatever goes on...

I call our bathroom 'The Vault' because the door's always locked and whatever goes on...

You can sum up this sport boxing in two words: You never know.

You can sum up this sport boxing in two words: You never know.

Children also have artistic ability, and there is wisdom in there having it! The more...

Children also have artistic ability, and there is wisdom in there having it! The more...

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards.

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards.

Janet Jackson's 'wardrobe malfunction' cost CBS Five hundred and Fifty grand this week. Boy, what...

Janet Jackson's 'wardrobe malfunction' cost CBS Five hundred and Fifty grand this week. Boy, what...

Today I saw a baby with a bib that said 'This dumbass put my cape...

Today I saw a baby with a bib that said 'This dumbass put my cape...

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me

My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years...

My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years...

One of life's greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn't good enough to marry...

One of life's greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn't good enough to marry...

To me, life is like the back nine in golf. Sometimes you play better on...

To me, life is like the back nine in golf. Sometimes you play better on...

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

A woman has the age she deserves.

A woman has the age she deserves.

Hey Max...ITS THE LEANING TOWER OF CHEESE-AH!!!

Hey Max...ITS THE LEANING TOWER OF CHEESE-AH!!!

Today, the L.A. Times accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of groping six women. I'm telling you, this...

Today, the L.A. Times accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of groping six women. I'm telling you, this...

I'd be happy if I could think that the role of the library was sustained...

I'd be happy if I could think that the role of the library was sustained...

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places...

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places...

Over the past 50 years Bob Hope employed 88 joke writers who supplied him with...

Over the past 50 years Bob Hope employed 88 joke writers who supplied him with...

I knew when my career was over. In 1965, my baseball card came out with...

I knew when my career was over. In 1965, my baseball card came out with...

Dear teacher, I talk no matter where I am. Moving my seat will not help.

Dear teacher, I talk no matter where I am. Moving my seat will not help.

Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.

Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.