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I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart !...

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I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart !...

I swear it wasn't me.. unless it was a good thing then I did it...

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I swear it wasn't me.. unless it was a good thing then I did it...

Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree; Your ornaments are history.

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Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree; Your ornaments are history.

The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get

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The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get

Every guy thinks every girl's dream is to find the perfect guy.. pshh, every girl's...

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Every guy thinks every girl's dream is to find the perfect guy.. pshh, every girl's...

Santa Claus has the right idea : visit people only once a year

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Santa Claus has the right idea : visit people only once a year

I can read in Red, I can read in Blue I can read in pickle...

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I can read in Red, I can read in Blue I can read in pickle...

Normal people scare me but not as much as I scare them.

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Normal people scare me but not as much as I scare them.

You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

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You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

Relationships nowadays = 1 male 1 female 1 hoe 1 ex trying to mess it...

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Relationships nowadays = 1 male 1 female 1 hoe 1 ex trying to mess it...

If you're good at something Never Do it for free

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If you're good at something Never Do it for free

The day I stop loving you is the day Lady Gaga decides to wear normal...

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The day I stop loving you is the day Lady Gaga decides to wear normal...

I've found the key to happiness. Stay the hell away from assholes

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I've found the key to happiness. Stay the hell away from assholes

When 2 couples meet face to face, wives look at each other's dresses, and husbands...

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When 2 couples meet face to face, wives look at each other's dresses, and husbands...

Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start...

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Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start...

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work...

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Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work...

I always think clothes make you look fat, so I prefer to be naked.

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I always think clothes make you look fat, so I prefer to be naked.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Women react differently a French woman who sees herself betrayed by her husband will kill...

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Women react differently a French woman who sees herself betrayed by her husband will kill...

I’m not supposed to need you I know these things, I do. And, yet I...

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I’m not supposed to need you I know these things, I do. And, yet I...