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I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart !...

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I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart !...

The secret of a successful marriage is not to be at home too much

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The secret of a successful marriage is not to be at home too much

Galaxy's centre tastes of raspberries and smells of rum, say astronomers.

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Galaxy's centre tastes of raspberries and smells of rum, say astronomers.

A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted

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A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted

You know someone is your true friend if you tell a secret and the next...

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You know someone is your true friend if you tell a secret and the next...

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could...

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And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could...

The reason people use crucifix against vampires is that vampires are allergic to bullshit.

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The reason people use crucifix against vampires is that vampires are allergic to bullshit.

A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until...

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A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until...

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance.There's no doubt about it.Anytime you have a...

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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance.There's no doubt about it.Anytime you have a...

Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays...

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Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays...

It's great to have someone in your life who makes you hate yourself a little...

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It's great to have someone in your life who makes you hate yourself a little...

Find what you love and let it kill you.

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Find what you love and let it kill you.

The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.

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The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.

You spent three days lying on a beach drinking rum? Welcome to the Carribbean love.

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You spent three days lying on a beach drinking rum? Welcome to the Carribbean love.

Every night, I have to read a book, so that my mind will stop thinking...

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Every night, I have to read a book, so that my mind will stop thinking...

Haloween=candy Thanksgiving=food Christmas=gifts New Year=drinks Valentines=sex Birthday=All the above.jpg

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Haloween=candy Thanksgiving=food Christmas=gifts New Year=drinks Valentines=sex Birthday=All the above.jpg

Joseph: "I'm going to buy them Christmas turkey". Albert: "Buy? Do you really mean buy?"...

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Joseph:

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

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You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was pretty, I...

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If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was pretty, I...

Your warm eyes, your softer laughter the way you speak and all the kindness you’ve...

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Your warm eyes, your softer laughter the way you speak and all the kindness you’ve...