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I made me laugh

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I made me laugh

Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get yes. Dinner's a very intimate activity....

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Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get yes. Dinner's a very intimate activity....

There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

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There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

There's three rules of cheating. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married....

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There's three rules of cheating. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married....

The only 'B' word you should call a woman is 'beautiful' . Bitches love being...

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The only 'B' word you should call a woman is 'beautiful' . Bitches love being...

"How are you going to feel when he sees you without any makeup?" "I'm not...

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Come out of the closet and still be awesome CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

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Come out of the closet and still be awesome CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland....

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In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland....

All I want is to find a guy like Ted who'll love me like Marshall...

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All I want is to find a guy like Ted who'll love me like Marshall...

God, it's me, Barney. What up? I know we don't talk much, But I know...

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God, it's me, Barney. What up? I know we don't talk much, But I know...

A well tailored suit is to women what lingerie is to men

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A well tailored suit is to women what lingerie is to men

It symbolize that she's my property and I own her

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It symbolize that she's my property and I own her

Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

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Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

I like nonsense it wakes up the brain cells

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I like nonsense it wakes up the brain cells

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same

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Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same

House: No, I hired you because you look good; it's like having a nice piece...

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House: No, I hired you because you look good; it's like having a nice piece...

New Year's Resolutions This year I resolve to be more democratic and I've made a...

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New Year's Resolutions This year I resolve to be more democratic and I've made a...

The paradox of our time in history We have bigger houses and smaller families; more...

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The paradox of our time in history We have bigger houses and smaller families; more...

Smile, it confuses people!

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Smile, it confuses people!

Sex is like math. Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and hope...

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Sex is like math. Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and hope...

When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary...

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When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary...

The idea behind the tuxedo is the woman's point of view that men are all...

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The idea behind the tuxedo is the woman's point of view that men are all...

Most women have a tendency to use negative language about their bodies. Simply changing the...

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Most women have a tendency to use negative language about their bodies. Simply changing the...