You look great Jimmy. You look amazing and your hair rocks. You look so good, oh my gosh. You look at yourself? I totally want to cut off your skin and wear it to my birthday, that's coming up.

Quote by Nick Swardson

Topics: Nick Swardson Quotes

I can't believe you came on my mom. You might be the biggest perv in...

I can't believe you came on my mom. You might be the biggest perv in...

Do you have bathrooms here, or do i have to shit in a plant?

Do you have bathrooms here, or do i have to shit in a plant?

Who wants to know what Jackie Gleason's balls tasted like? Yes, Cornbread.

Who wants to know what Jackie Gleason's balls tasted like? Yes, Cornbread.

Who wants to hear about my blowjob from the World War? Yeah...

Who wants to hear about my blowjob from the World War? Yeah...

Ah, you smell like a winner. You smell like USA!

Ah, you smell like a winner. You smell like USA!

Dude, wanking off on my mom is one thing, but doing your grandma...Thats legendary!

Dude, wanking off on my mom is one thing, but doing your grandma...Thats legendary!

My roommates said they'd get me rims for christmas. And a CB Radio so I...

My roommates said they'd get me rims for christmas. And a CB Radio so I...

My name is JP. I am a robot. I like robots. I have a robot...

My name is JP. I am a robot. I like robots. I have a robot...

Shit's weak! Shit's weak! Wizzeak!

Shit's weak! Shit's weak! Wizzeak!

Good news from the party........Barry sucked on his first boobie!

Good news from the party........Barry sucked on his first boobie!

That's great Bobby, but we don't have Dance Dance Revolution, so - you're dumb.

That's great Bobby, but we don't have Dance Dance Revolution, so - you're dumb.

Ok... so who wants to hear about my STD from the silent film era? Yeah,...

Ok... so who wants to hear about my STD from the silent film era? Yeah,...

Let's do it'The levels I mean, not sex.

Let's do it'The levels I mean, not sex.

Hello........Cool i hope its a naked dude with a boner.

Hello........Cool i hope its a naked dude with a boner.

That's cool.....if you wanna be sober and vomit.

That's cool.....if you wanna be sober and vomit.

Fruitcup? Nice....way to go mom!

Fruitcup? Nice....way to go mom!

So, i mean, what's it like being old? It's gotta be weird, right? I mean,...

So, i mean, what's it like being old? It's gotta be weird, right? I mean,...

Wassup, Silver Fox? Oh, I started a fight club.

Wassup, Silver Fox? Oh, I started a fight club.

Hey Samantha, don't take the red pill!

Hey Samantha, don't take the red pill!

Can we take a shower and talk about this?

Can we take a shower and talk about this?