Orphans, dead parents, lonely children at Christmas, morose spoken word recordings, everything you love about the holidays. Move the turkey over so you can fit your head in the oven.

Quote by April Winchell

Topics: April Winchell Quotes

Personally, I think tying garbage bags around your head and hands is overkill.

Personally, I think tying garbage bags around your head and hands is overkill.

Let's stop playing with ourselves and get on with the entertainment, shall we?

Let's stop playing with ourselves and get on with the entertainment, shall we?

The theme of the party was Neverland Ranch, so guests were asked to come as...

The theme of the party was Neverland Ranch, so guests were asked to come as...

I have found that many other countries will buy off on anything American. As much...

I have found that many other countries will buy off on anything American. As much...

I had glow in the dark bands made up and I've given away a ton...

I had glow in the dark bands made up and I've given away a ton...

Usually, jet lag is not this big of an issue for me. I'm not sure...

Usually, jet lag is not this big of an issue for me. I'm not sure...

I had a migraine for about seven or eight straight days, and I was unable...

I had a migraine for about seven or eight straight days, and I was unable...

I'd like to run for office someday, but I'm afraid my ability to spell might...

I'd like to run for office someday, but I'm afraid my ability to spell might...

I know you aren't supposed to speak ill of the dead.

I know you aren't supposed to speak ill of the dead.

I always like to get local music when I'm in another country.

I always like to get local music when I'm in another country.

I can wholeheartedly apologize for not being at all sorry. And it really is the...

I can wholeheartedly apologize for not being at all sorry. And it really is the...

I never have anything to talk about.

I never have anything to talk about.

I wish you a tolerable Thursday. That's all any of us can hope for.

I wish you a tolerable Thursday. That's all any of us can hope for.

I remember lying down for a nap one day at about 4:00 and walking up...

I remember lying down for a nap one day at about 4:00 and walking up...

My bedspread isn't washable. Since my bedding has to be washed every day, I'll have...

My bedspread isn't washable. Since my bedding has to be washed every day, I'll have...

I am severely distracted these days. It's hard to sit in front of the computer,...

I am severely distracted these days. It's hard to sit in front of the computer,...

Like every aspect of cancer I've weathered thus far, today's experience was not at all...

Like every aspect of cancer I've weathered thus far, today's experience was not at all...