I'd rather do a really good small part than a really bad big part.

Quote by Ron White

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I've got a great cigar collection - it's actually not a collection, because that would...

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I didn't get where I am today by worryin' about how I'd feel tomorrow.

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Diamonds - that'll shut her up... for a minute!

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Anybody could say anything they want about me, and it literally never penetrates my skin.

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Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine's putting in an express lane.

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My goal is just to become a better comedian.

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