FUNERAL, n. A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears. The savage dies --they sacrifice a horse To bear…

Quote by Ambrose Bierce

Topics: Money Quotes

Suffrage, noun. Expression of opinion by means of a ballot. The right of suffrage (which...

Suffrage, noun. Expression of opinion by means of a ballot. The right of suffrage (which...

Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes...

Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes...

Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making...

Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making...

PATRIOTISM, n. Combustible rubbish read to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his...

PATRIOTISM, n. Combustible rubbish read to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his...

Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself...

Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself...

Scriptures: the sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane...

Scriptures: the sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane...

PRESBYTERIAN, n. One who holds the conviction that the government authorities of the Church should...

PRESBYTERIAN, n. One who holds the conviction that the government authorities of the Church should...

Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and...

Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and...

Land: A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is...

Land: A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is...

Rum, n. Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.

Rum, n. Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.

MALTHUSIAN, adj. Pertaining to Malthus and his doctrines. Malthus believed in artificially limiting population, but...

MALTHUSIAN, adj. Pertaining to Malthus and his doctrines. Malthus believed in artificially limiting population, but...

Consult: To seek approval for a course of action already decided upon.

Consult: To seek approval for a course of action already decided upon.

The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of...

The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of...

OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession...

OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession...

Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -...

Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -...

A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks...

A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks...

Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.

Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.

The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.

The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.

Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.

Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.

Confidante: One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C.

Confidante: One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C.