Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a 7 to do that.

Quote by Jim Murray

Topics: Funny Quotes, Golf Quotes

Baseball is a game where a curve is an optical illusion, a screwball can be...

Baseball is a game where a curve is an optical illusion, a screwball can be...

Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man...

Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man...

Don Quixote would understand golf. It is the impossible dream.

Don Quixote would understand golf. It is the impossible dream.

The great thing about this game is that the bad days are wonderful.

The great thing about this game is that the bad days are wonderful.

Resolve never to quit, never to give up, no matter what the situation.

Resolve never to quit, never to give up, no matter what the situation.

The thing is, you see all the money that's available out there. I see where...

The thing is, you see all the money that's available out there. I see where...

Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good...

Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good...

I guess that's why they call it Hell.

I guess that's why they call it Hell.

Never give a golfer an ultimatum unless you're prepared to lose.

Never give a golfer an ultimatum unless you're prepared to lose.

I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.

I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.

A kid grows up a lot faster on the golf course. Golf teaches you how...

A kid grows up a lot faster on the golf course. Golf teaches you how...

The greens are harder than a whore's heart.

The greens are harder than a whore's heart.

The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle...

The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle...

The Green Bay Packers never lost a football game. They just ran out of time.

The Green Bay Packers never lost a football game. They just ran out of time.

Essentially, he has been retired since he was 21.

Essentially, he has been retired since he was 21.

I wish I had kept my damn mouth shut.

I wish I had kept my damn mouth shut.

Golf, like measles, should be caught young.

Golf, like measles, should be caught young.

Gimme: an agreement between two losers who can't putt.

Gimme: an agreement between two losers who can't putt.

I like going there for golf. America's one vast golf course these days.

I like going there for golf. America's one vast golf course these days.

Football Is an honest game. It's true to life . It's a game about sharing....

Football Is an honest game. It's true to life . It's a game about sharing....