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You can always trust a dishonest man to be dishonest, it is the honest man...

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You can always trust a dishonest man to be dishonest, it is the honest man...

The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Do...

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The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Do...

Close your eyes and pretend it’s all a bad dream. That’s how I get by.

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Close your eyes and pretend it’s all a bad dream. That’s how I get by.

Wherever we want to go, we go. That's what a ship is, you know. It's...

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Wherever we want to go, we go. That's what a ship is, you know. It's...

You spent three days lying on a beach drinking rum? Welcome to the Carribbean love.

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You spent three days lying on a beach drinking rum? Welcome to the Carribbean love.

My tremendous intuitive sense of the female creature informs me that you are troubled.

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My tremendous intuitive sense of the female creature informs me that you are troubled.

Okay, we took off our clothes, I got on top of you.. How long 'til...

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Okay, we took off our clothes, I got on top of you.. How long 'til...

There has got to be more to life than just be really, really ridiculously good...

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There has got to be more to life than just be really, really ridiculously good...

Santa Claus has the right idea : visit people only once a year

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Santa Claus has the right idea : visit people only once a year

A lot of guys think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent she...

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A lot of guys think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent she...

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving...

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I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving...

Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a...

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Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a...

I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart !...

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I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart !...

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree, in the eyes of children, they...

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Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree, in the eyes of children, they...

A lot of times when a package says 'Open other end', I purposely open the...

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A lot of times when a package says 'Open other end', I purposely open the...

An old man: You're Dr. House, aren't you? House: Oh God, don´t tell we used...

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An old man: You're Dr. House, aren't you? House: Oh God, don´t tell we used...

Drink' till she's cute but stop before the wedding

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Drink' till she's cute but stop before the wedding

Ahh, a little cancer never hurt anybody. Everybody needs a little cancer I think. It's...

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Ahh, a little cancer never hurt anybody. Everybody needs a little cancer I think. It's...

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays...

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An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays...

I've got six kids. I'm not done. I'm going to keep having kids until I...

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I've got six kids. I'm not done. I'm going to keep having kids until I...