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You can always trust a dishonest man to be dishonest, it is the honest man...

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You can always trust a dishonest man to be dishonest, it is the honest man...

The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Do...

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The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Do...

Wherever we want to go, we go. That's what a ship is, you know. It's...

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Wherever we want to go, we go. That's what a ship is, you know. It's...

You spent three days lying on a beach drinking rum? Welcome to the Carribbean love.

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You spent three days lying on a beach drinking rum? Welcome to the Carribbean love.

Close your eyes and pretend it’s all a bad dream. That’s how I get by.

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Close your eyes and pretend it’s all a bad dream. That’s how I get by.

My tremendous intuitive sense of the female creature informs me that you are troubled.

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My tremendous intuitive sense of the female creature informs me that you are troubled.

If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous...

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If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous...

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's...

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I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's...

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me

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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me

I like nonsense it wakes up the brain cells

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I like nonsense it wakes up the brain cells

Be happy in front of people who don't like you, 'It kills them'

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Be happy in front of people who don't like you, 'It kills them'

The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get

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The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get

The paradox of our time in history We have bigger houses and smaller families; more...

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The paradox of our time in history We have bigger houses and smaller families; more...

Love is a blind whore with mental disease and no sense of humor

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Love is a blind whore with mental disease and no sense of humor

No one will win the battle of the sexe, there is too much flirting with...

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No one will win the battle of the sexe, there is too much flirting with...

The great secret of happiness in love is to be glad that the other fellow...

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The great secret of happiness in love is to be glad that the other fellow...

It's great to have someone in your life who makes you hate yourself a little...

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It's great to have someone in your life who makes you hate yourself a little...

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks...

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When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks...

Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.

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Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.

What is Father Christmas' wife called ? Mary Christmas!

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What is Father Christmas' wife called ? Mary Christmas!