They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

Quote by Garrison Keillor

Topics: Garrison Keillor Quotes

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all...

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all...

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.

You taught me to be nice, so nice that now I am so full of...

You taught me to be nice, so nice that now I am so full of...

It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.

It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.

Being Lutheran, Mother believed that self-pity is a deadly sin and so is nostalgia, and...

Being Lutheran, Mother believed that self-pity is a deadly sin and so is nostalgia, and...

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function

I think the most un-American thing you can say is, 'You can't say that.'

I think the most un-American thing you can say is, 'You can't say that.'

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning...

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning...

A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to...

A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to...

A book is a gift you can open again and again.

A book is a gift you can open again and again.

A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a lousy newspaper is a joy...

A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a lousy newspaper is a joy...

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad...

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad...

Sometimes you have to look reality in the eye, and deny it.

Sometimes you have to look reality in the eye, and deny it.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking,...

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking,...

A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table...

A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table...

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar...

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar...

Selective ignorance, a cornerstone of child rearing. You don't put kids under surveillance: it might...

Selective ignorance, a cornerstone of child rearing. You don't put kids under surveillance: it might...

No wise man can have a contempt for the prejudices of others; and he should...

No wise man can have a contempt for the prejudices of others; and he should...

No matter how eloquently a dog may bark, he cannot tell you that his parents...

No matter how eloquently a dog may bark, he cannot tell you that his parents...

It is paradoxical that many educators and parents still differentiate between a time for learning...

It is paradoxical that many educators and parents still differentiate between a time for learning...