A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now…

Quote by Jake Johansen

Topics: Funny Quotes, People Quotes

Nothing is inherently and invincibly young except spirit. And spirit can enter a human being...

Nothing is inherently and invincibly young except spirit. And spirit can enter a human being...

My father was a simple man. My mother was a simple woman. You see the...

My father was a simple man. My mother was a simple woman. You see the...

A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the...

A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the...

And it is not our part here to take thought only for a season, or...

And it is not our part here to take thought only for a season, or...

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from...

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from...

There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a...

There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a...

Fish are friends, not food!

Fish are friends, not food!

Women only have trouble parking because we are constantly lied to about what 8 inches...

Women only have trouble parking because we are constantly lied to about what 8 inches...

Study is the bane of childhood, the oil of youth, the indulgence of adulthood, and...

Study is the bane of childhood, the oil of youth, the indulgence of adulthood, and...

We tried not to age, but Time had its rage.

We tried not to age, but Time had its rage.

Carrie: I just love Sleeping Beauty! The music, the sets, the costumes. It's so romantic!...

Carrie: I just love Sleeping Beauty! The music, the sets, the costumes. It's so romantic!...

Opportunity dances with those who are already on the dance floor.

Opportunity dances with those who are already on the dance floor.

Your lordship, though not clean past your youth, have yet some smack of age in...

Your lordship, though not clean past your youth, have yet some smack of age in...

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an...

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an...

Gray is a crown of splendor: it is attained by a righteous life.

Gray is a crown of splendor: it is attained by a righteous life.

I think we are trying to run the space age with horse and buggy moral...

I think we are trying to run the space age with horse and buggy moral...

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note...

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note...

He reminded me a little of Walt Disney's version of a mad scientist.

He reminded me a little of Walt Disney's version of a mad scientist.

People who don't Think probably don't have Brains; rather, they have grey fluff that's blown...

People who don't Think probably don't have Brains; rather, they have grey fluff that's blown...

You can fool all the people all the time if the advertising is right and...

You can fool all the people all the time if the advertising is right and...