All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.

Quote by Fred A Allen

Topics: Humor Quotes

What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.

What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.

A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well...

A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well...

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice...

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice...

California is a great place to live if you're an orange.

California is a great place to live if you're an orange.

My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.

My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.

During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have...

During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have...

If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.

If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as...

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as...

My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.

My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.

Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then...

Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then...

A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can...

A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can...

An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your...

An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your...

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars. I always...

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars. I always...

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

I think humor is a very serious thing. I use it as a way of...

I think humor is a very serious thing. I use it as a way of...

I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In...

I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In...

Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

Nothing makes your sense of humor disappear faster than having someone ask where it is.

Nothing makes your sense of humor disappear faster than having someone ask where it is.

A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities will keep...

A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities will keep...

It was hard for me to do the show (All American Girl) because a lot...

It was hard for me to do the show (All American Girl) because a lot...