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If you see me on Friday, you'll see different material on Saturday night.

#Kathy Griffin

If you took an x-ray of your weiner would you see a bone

#Beavis And Butthead

If you have a job without any aggravations, you don't have a job.

#Malcolm Forbes

If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid.

#Eddie Izzard

If you have no character to lose, people will have no faith in you

#Leadership

But, if you have nothing at all to create, then perhaps you create yourself.

#Creativity

If you would take, you must first give, this is the beginning of intelligence.

#Intelligence

If you really love someone and care about him, you can survive many difficulties.

#Calvin Klein

If you feel that you are good, don't be too proud of it.

If you know how to do a job very well, you keep doing it.

#Joan Chen

If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first.

#Jimmy Nail

Be a dreamer. If you don't know how to dream, you're dead.

#Jim Valvano