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If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.

If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.

An audience is never wrong. An individual member of it may be an imbecile, but...

An audience is never wrong. An individual member of it may be an imbecile, but...

We are on the track of something absolutely mediocre.

We are on the track of something absolutely mediocre.

What critics call dirty in our pictures, they call lusty in foreign films.

What critics call dirty in our pictures, they call lusty in foreign films.

You have to have a dream so you can get up in the morning.

You have to have a dream so you can get up in the morning.

A director must be a policeman, a midwife, a psychoanalyst, a sycophant and a bastard.

A director must be a policeman, a midwife, a psychoanalyst, a sycophant and a bastard.

An actor entering through the door, you've got nothing. But if he enters through the...

An actor entering through the door, you've got nothing. But if he enters through the...

An audience is never wrong. An individual member of it may be an imbecile, but...

An audience is never wrong. An individual member of it may be an imbecile, but...

Don't be too clever for an audience. Make it obvious. Make the subtleties obvious also.

Don't be too clever for an audience. Make it obvious. Make the subtleties obvious also.

France is the country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the toilet...

France is the country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the toilet...

Happiness is working with Jack Lemmon.

Happiness is working with Jack Lemmon.

He has Van Gogh's ear for music.

He has Van Gogh's ear for music.

What critics call dirty in our pictures, they call lusty in foreign films.

What critics call dirty in our pictures, they call lusty in foreign films.

Shoot a few scenes out of focus. I want to win the foreign film award.

Shoot a few scenes out of focus. I want to win the foreign film award.

Agents are like tires on a car; in order to get anywhere at all, you...

,

Agents are like tires on a car; in order to get anywhere at all, you...

France is a place where the money falls apart in your hands but you can't...

France is a place where the money falls apart in your hands but you can't...

Marilyn was mean. Terribly mean. The meanest woman I have ever met around this town....

,

Marilyn was mean. Terribly mean. The meanest woman I have ever met around this town....

I'd worship the ground you walked on if only you walked in a better neighborhood.

I'd worship the ground you walked on if only you walked in a better neighborhood.