So I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller', he said 'Not you again'.

Quote by Frank Carson

Topics: Funny Quotes, Jokes Quotes

I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.

I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.

I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack...

I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack...

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold...

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold...

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me!

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me!

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

The Irish ignore anything they can't drink or punch.

The Irish ignore anything they can't drink or punch.

The age of chivalry has gone; the age of humanity has come.

The age of chivalry has gone; the age of humanity has come.

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my...

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my...

Consider what you have in the smallest chosen library: a company of the wisest and...

Consider what you have in the smallest chosen library: a company of the wisest and...

Everyone is entitled to their own incorrect opinion.

Everyone is entitled to their own incorrect opinion.

When you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas.

When you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas.

I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me...

I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me...

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy...

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy...

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any...

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any...

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by the way he eats jelly...

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by the way he eats jelly...

Among the virtues and vices that make up the British character, we have one vice,...

Among the virtues and vices that make up the British character, we have one vice,...

I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of...

I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of...

Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day...

Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day...

I've loved science fiction ever since I was a little kid, mainly from looking at...

I've loved science fiction ever since I was a little kid, mainly from looking at...

The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist...

The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist...

So a man jumps into a taxi and says King Arthur's close and the taxi...

So a man jumps into a taxi and says King Arthur's close and the taxi...