I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

Quote by Jon Stewart

Topics: Funny Quotes, People Quotes

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an...

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an...

But we are at war, and we here at THE DAILY SHOW will do our...

But we are at war, and we here at THE DAILY SHOW will do our...

Historic in a good sense, not historic in a sense of 'so we dropped bombs...

Historic in a good sense, not historic in a sense of 'so we dropped bombs...

I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about...

I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about...

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my...

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my...

More than 150 heads of state attended the UN Summit, giving New Yorkers a chance...

More than 150 heads of state attended the UN Summit, giving New Yorkers a chance...

GOP strategists hope the revelation of Kerry's wealth might debunk his status as a, quote,...

GOP strategists hope the revelation of Kerry's wealth might debunk his status as a, quote,...

And then you've got Lieberman, who is for the war. And thinks the tax cuts...

And then you've got Lieberman, who is for the war. And thinks the tax cuts...

Just every moment with Dick Cheney has been my favorite. Here's what I wonder about...

Just every moment with Dick Cheney has been my favorite. Here's what I wonder about...

For me it was just exciting to see fake news catching on like that. We...

For me it was just exciting to see fake news catching on like that. We...

GOP strategists hope the revelation of Kerry's wealth might debunk his status as a, quote,...

GOP strategists hope the revelation of Kerry's wealth might debunk his status as a, quote,...

If the evens of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can...

If the evens of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can...

Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will...

Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will...

I can be in 20 movies. But I'll never be an actor.

I can be in 20 movies. But I'll never be an actor.

Yes! Finally captured Martha Stewart. You know, with all the massive and almost completely unpunished...

Yes! Finally captured Martha Stewart. You know, with all the massive and almost completely unpunished...

Many of our soldiers are stationed at Camp Coyote just south of the Iraqi border....

Many of our soldiers are stationed at Camp Coyote just south of the Iraqi border....

The nation of Dubai banned the movie Charlie's Angles because it's offensive to the religion...

The nation of Dubai banned the movie Charlie's Angles because it's offensive to the religion...

I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.

I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.

McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.

McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.

Insomnia is my greatest inspiration.

Insomnia is my greatest inspiration.