Ever have that one friend who gets a Valentine's Day gift for their mother? Doens't that freak you out a little? It's like, 'I don't know how to break this to you but I think she's banging your dad!

Quote by Russ Meneve

Topics: Funny Quotes, Valentines Day Quotes

In the age in which we live, the impossible is every day losing ground.

In the age in which we live, the impossible is every day losing ground.

Is man one of God's blunders or is God one of man's blunders?

Is man one of God's blunders or is God one of man's blunders?

Please, dear God, don't let me fuck up.

Please, dear God, don't let me fuck up.

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my...

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my...

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

The leadership instinct you are born with is the backbone. You develop the funny bone...

The leadership instinct you are born with is the backbone. You develop the funny bone...

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep...

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep...

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the...

Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the...

A recent conversation: Dubya: Look at the clock, time is racing! Cheney: That's the second...

A recent conversation: Dubya: Look at the clock, time is racing! Cheney: That's the second...

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

Boy, have you got your lions crossed.

Boy, have you got your lions crossed.

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.

In youth we run into difficulties. In old age difficulties run into us.

In youth we run into difficulties. In old age difficulties run into us.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at...

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at...

I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don't...

I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don't...

One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having...

One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having...

Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you're...

Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you're...

Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably...

Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably...