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My father left my mother for a 31-year-old model. A male model.

My father left my mother for a 31-year-old model. A male model.

I'm not anyone, I'm me.

I'm not anyone, I'm me.

Whoever said that money doesn't buy happiness didn't know where to shop.

Whoever said that money doesn't buy happiness didn't know where to shop.

Haven't you heard? I'm the crazy bitch around here.

Haven't you heard? I'm the crazy bitch around here.

I'm not a stop along the way. I'm a destination. And if you refuse to...

I'm not a stop along the way. I'm a destination. And if you refuse to...

The only thing lamer than dating Dan Humphrey... is mourning Dan Humphrey.

The only thing lamer than dating Dan Humphrey... is mourning Dan Humphrey.

Funny, Brown doesn't offer a degree in slut.

Funny, Brown doesn't offer a degree in slut.

Serena's been in jail for four hours, she's already served more time than Lindsay Lohan...

Serena's been in jail for four hours, she's already served more time than Lindsay Lohan...

Nothing hurts more than sleeping with a best friend.

Nothing hurts more than sleeping with a best friend.

A hot lifeguard is like kleenex! Use once and throw away. You could ask for...

A hot lifeguard is like kleenex! Use once and throw away. You could ask for...

I have a friend on cyberspace who knows just what to do. XOXO.

I have a friend on cyberspace who knows just what to do. XOXO.

Damn that mother Chucker!

Damn that mother Chucker!

Only a masochist could ever love such a narcissist.

Only a masochist could ever love such a narcissist.

Can you make sure they don't seat me behind Caroline Kennedy? She may be American...

Can you make sure they don't seat me behind Caroline Kennedy? She may be American...

Hillary Clinton is one of my role models. I do not break treaties, you ass!

Hillary Clinton is one of my role models. I do not break treaties, you ass!

Trust me, the only thing wrong with Chuck is that I'm going to be happy...

Trust me, the only thing wrong with Chuck is that I'm going to be happy...

Here's my advice. Have a little faith, and if that doesn't work, have a lot...

Here's my advice. Have a little faith, and if that doesn't work, have a lot...

Just because we can't be friends doesn't mean we aren't.

Just because we can't be friends doesn't mean we aren't.