When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had adsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No,…

Quote by Dwight Schrute

Topics: Dwight Schrute Quotes

The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition wont...

The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition wont...

He was already dead, and we Schrutes use every part of the goose. The meat...

He was already dead, and we Schrutes use every part of the goose. The meat...

You know whats better than a triceratops. Only every other dinosaur that has ever existed.

You know whats better than a triceratops. Only every other dinosaur that has ever existed.

The eyes are the groin of the head.

The eyes are the groin of the head.

When I die. I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me...

When I die. I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me...

A 30-year mortgage at Michaels age essentially means that hes buying a coffin. If I...

A 30-year mortgage at Michaels age essentially means that hes buying a coffin. If I...

I dont care what Jim says, that is not Benjamin Franklin. I am 99% sure.

I dont care what Jim says, that is not Benjamin Franklin. I am 99% sure.

As a farmer I know that when an animal is sick sometimes the right thing...

As a farmer I know that when an animal is sick sometimes the right thing...

I signed up for Second Life about a year ago. Back then, my life was...

I signed up for Second Life about a year ago. Back then, my life was...

Why tip someone for a job Im capable of doing myself? I can deliver food....

Why tip someone for a job Im capable of doing myself? I can deliver food....

Would I ever leave this company? Look, Im all about loyalty. In fact, I feel...

Would I ever leave this company? Look, Im all about loyalty. In fact, I feel...

There are 40 rules all Schrute boys must learn by age 5. Rule 17- There...

There are 40 rules all Schrute boys must learn by age 5. Rule 17- There...

Babies are one of my many areas of expertise. Growing up I performed my own...

Babies are one of my many areas of expertise. Growing up I performed my own...

I dont believe you, continue.

I dont believe you, continue.

Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with...

Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with...

I train my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. Also, I...

I train my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. Also, I...

How would I describe myself? Three words: hard working, alpha male, jackhammermercilessinsatiable

How would I describe myself? Three words: hard working, alpha male, jackhammermercilessinsatiable

Dolphins get a lot of good publicity for the drowning swimmers they push back to...

Dolphins get a lot of good publicity for the drowning swimmers they push back to...

Before I do anything I ask myself Would an idiot do that? And if the...

Before I do anything I ask myself Would an idiot do that? And if the...

I am not a security threat, and my middle name is Kurt, not Fart.

I am not a security threat, and my middle name is Kurt, not Fart.