California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

Quote by Fred Allen

Topics: Funny Quotes

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can...

A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can...

Television is a triumph of equipment over people and the minds that control it are...

Television is a triumph of equipment over people and the minds that control it are...

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when...

I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when...

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if...

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if...

When a radio comedian's program is finally finished it slinks down Memory Lane into the...

When a radio comedian's program is finally finished it slinks down Memory Lane into the...

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a...

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a...

When a radio comedian's program is finally finished it slinks down Memory Lane into the...

When a radio comedian's program is finally finished it slinks down Memory Lane into the...

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group...

Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group...

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the...

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the...

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and...

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and...

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known,...

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known,...

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

The honors Hollywood has for the writer are as dubious as tissue-paper cuff links.

The honors Hollywood has for the writer are as dubious as tissue-paper cuff links.

In my mind, I've always been an A-list Hollywood superstar. Y'all just didn't know yet.

In my mind, I've always been an A-list Hollywood superstar. Y'all just didn't know yet.