California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

Quote by Fred Allen

Topics: Funny Quotes

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a...

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a...

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the...

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the...

A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can...

A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can...

What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?

What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?

The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on...

The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on...

Television is the triumph of machine over people.

Television is the triumph of machine over people.

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

When a radio comedian's program is finally finished it slinks down Memory Lane into the...

When a radio comedian's program is finally finished it slinks down Memory Lane into the...

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them...

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them...

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if...

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if...

Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group...

Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group...

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

When a radio comedian's program is finally finished it slinks down Memory Lane into the...

When a radio comedian's program is finally finished it slinks down Memory Lane into the...

He writes so well he makes me feel like putting the quill back in the...

He writes so well he makes me feel like putting the quill back in the...

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own...

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own...

I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.

I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.

An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.

An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.