California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

Quote by Fred Allen

Topics: Funny Quotes

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood and place it in the navel of...

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood and place it in the navel of...

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the...

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the...

Television is called a medium because anything good on it is rare

Television is called a medium because anything good on it is rare

We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian...

We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian...

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood and place it in the navel of...

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood and place it in the navel of...

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known,...

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known,...

When a radio comedian's program is finally finished it slinks down Memory Lane into the...

When a radio comedian's program is finally finished it slinks down Memory Lane into the...

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the...

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the...

It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually...

It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually...

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them...

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them...

Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group...

Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group...

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.

The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you...

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you...

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too...

Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too...

If you're not making mistakes, you're not taking risks, and that means you're not going...

If you're not making mistakes, you're not taking risks, and that means you're not going...

In this remarkable time for the world, I refuse to believe it's time to stop...

In this remarkable time for the world, I refuse to believe it's time to stop...