California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

Quote by Fred Allen

Topics: Funny Quotes

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the...

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the...

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you...

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you...

Television is called a medium because anything good on it is rare

Television is called a medium because anything good on it is rare

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the...

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the...

Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people...

Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people...

Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission

Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood and place it in the navel of...

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood and place it in the navel of...

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

Television is the triumph of machine over people.

Television is the triumph of machine over people.

Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too...

Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too...

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a...

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a...

Television is called a medium because anything good on it is rare.

Television is called a medium because anything good on it is rare.

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when...

I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when...

All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is...

All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is...

The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.

The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.

I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.

I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.

I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.

I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.