If God dropped acid, would he see people?
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and he said 'Do I know… (read more)
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over… (read more)
How young can you die of old age?
I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
Hermits have no peer pressure.
How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.