Rita Rudner quotes

Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor… (read more)
The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.
Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying.
Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.
In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

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Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better… (read more)

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Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is… (read more)

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A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Beer is good food

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I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them
Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

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My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age,… (read more)

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