You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.
The real joy is in constructing a sentence. But I see myself as an actor first because writing is what… (read more)
Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke
Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.
Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It's something I only get to do when Billy… (read more)
Comedy may be big business but it isn't pretty.
Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.
Love is a promise delivered already broken.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.