80% of success is showing up.
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally… (read more)
I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance -waiting for the bathroom.
A pun is the lowest form of humor -- when you don't think of it first.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as… (read more)
Weve all met people who are supposedly incredibly intelligent but dont know which way to sit on a lavatory.